Blur

Tears blur the world,
Soften it.
It doesn't look as sharp
As it feels.
If only blood softened the pain.

I remember days of cuts,
Of a knife drawn across skin
Until red beads of blood
Dotted its paleness like drops
Of paint on a canvas.

It's been years since
I've felt this way.
Is it exhaustion?
Am I too tired to be happy?
Or is it you?

Things look good in the
Blurred out world.
An oncoming car,
A handful of painkillers,
The approaching darkness.

I want to be lost.