First off, I’m addicted to “Rich, White, Straight, Men” by Kesha.
Secondly, I’m really feeling all of Forest Blakk’s songs.
Thirdly, let’s move onto something other than music. I’ve been… somewhere. I don’t know. My head space has been weird since changing my meds AGAIN, and I’ve been so super sleepy and tense all the time. Sometimes I join voice chat with my friends and I can just feel the anxiety mounting until all I want to do is scream, or live in silence forever. Opposites, I know, but hey. ‘Tis me.
“Havana, oo-na-na” Sorry, I have music playing…
^ And this is my brain. Always. I’m super distracted right now. Mental health, people - It’s something. I don’t know why I decided to write now, but I had a sudden urge to put thoughts to screen, keyboard, paper, blog. Probably not the best idea, considering how disjointed all my thoughts are right now, but better to update something than nothing I guess.
The fact that I’ve been distracted has made getting anything done almost impossible. I added the Wunderlist app to my phone in the hopes that it would help me stay on schedule and actually be something resembling productive. So far, no go. I don’t even know where the majority of my day goes.
“With just a touch, you let go”
I’ve been playing a lot of Elder Scrolls: Online (ESO) lately (*editing to add: Hey! We found where a portion of it is going, at least). It’s really such a good game. I have no idea what it was like when it first released, but they’ve turned it into something super enjoyable and fulfilling. That said, I’ve burnt myself out a little bit by playing way too much. Oh well, small breaks for other games. I’ve been playing a little bit of Diablo 3, a little bit of Overwatch, a little bit of Final Fantasy XIV.
I’ve also been reading more in the last little while. I go through periods of not reading at all, and then periods of not being able to put my books down. A couple of weeks ago, I finished 2.5 novels in a week – they were of a decent size too. I was quite proud.
“I’m tryin’ to pick myself up, piece by piece”
Oh! And I also picked up a couple of tarot decks and an oracle deck, and I’ve been reading up on Wicca and Shamanism. I often feel like I need something in my life, in a spiritual sense, and I want it to be a belief system that I can feel my way through and make my own. I don’t need to be told what will save my soul or how to live my life, I need something that adds to the life I’m living and who I am. It’s not that I don’t believe in any afterlife – I certainly hope the people I’ve loved and lost continue to exist somewhere, somehow – but more that I feel I can tackle that life when I get there. This is the one that I have to live now, and I need to make it the best life I possibly can.
“And it’s not me. It is you that I cannot believe”
Can you see how long it’s taking me to write this? Or is it just that I’m skipping through the songs because I can’t focus? A little bit of both, actually. But… bonus points if you can guess what all these songs are.
I am sorry, though. I’m really trying to concentrate on this blog entry, I promise, but I have so many voices in my head and only 2 or 3 are my own. I’m currently in a Discord chat with 5 people, and I have music playing on Spotify, and music playing in FFXIV (I forgot to log out). And… another voice has joined us! Welcome The Elite Squirrel Council! ;)
“Try to breathe, but I can’t, because the air she feeds me is damned”
I haven’t been practicing my Mandarin lately (I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this in the past - I started learning the language) but I fully intend to pick it back up again soon. L. and I will most likely be going to China next year, so it would be very useful to have a somewhat functional knowledge of it. That said, I may also be going to Germany in September so knowing German may have also been useful.
Alright. I think I’m going to end this here. I love you all. <3 Until next time.