Happy Mother's Day to any mommies reading my blog - this day is for you! Enjoy it. Enjoy the recognition from your children, and from your spouse or partner if applicable. Take your day. Be appreciated for everything that you do for your children, all the sacrifices big and small that are made for them, and all the love that is shared daily. But keep in mind that Mother's Day is also a day to remember that what you have is precious, for you to look inside yourself and understand that though it's often the hardest job in the world, it is worth every moment. Mother's Day is a day for reflection, and the focus should be on the love that is felt by all parties involved. Embrace that love.

My Mother's Day started yesterday evening when the children and I went over to my parents' place and had supper with them, my brother, and his girlfriend. The company was good and Thing 2 particularly enjoyed playing in the yard and watching the "air plates" go by. Thing 1 passed out in the bus on the way home and I ended up carrying her on my back while pushing Thing 2 in the stroller - times like that make me feel almost superhuman. After we got home I stayed up way too late playing video games and watching TV, and I have been running on a couple of hours sleep today. My kids surprised me this morning when they presented me with some gifts they made at school - I didn't know they'd made them! - and we spent a great day together as a family. We went to the park, had ice cream for lunch, then went back to the park for a little while before coming home and vegging out. For supper, M. went and picked up dinner from my favourite Italian restaurant. It was a good day. I have a great kids, and they have a great father. I am lucky to have all of them in my life.

And it was a good day for more than just that. It was a good day because at the park I took my shoes off and walked around barefoot. I played hopscotch on the park path in a game drawn in chalk by children. I got on the swings and had fun. I picked a pine cone out of a tree, and spoke up to the lady behind the counter at the DQ. I met her eyes. And I realised that though I am experiencing side effects from these meds, I'm also experiencing me. The me who isn't scared to talk to people, who isn't worried about every little thing that could go wrong if I walk around barefoot, or who avoids the slides and the swings because I'm worried I'll break them or look ridiculous. This is a me who will get in there and play with my children, rather than sitting on the bench in a panic warning them to be careful. This is me.

I don't want my other self back. I want my meds adjusted so that the depression takes a long walk off a short cliff, but I want to continue taking my anti-anxiety meds. I feel freer and more myself. I feel more human. I enjoyed my Mother's Day, and for once I actually felt like I might be a somewhat decent mother. So I'm grateful. For today, I'm grateful to be here, to have my children, and to have meds that sort out my brain when I can't do it for myself. It was a good day. I hope it was for all of you too. <3

 *P.S. I'm sorry that this post is so... crap for lack of a better word. I feel like my brain is operating on low bandwidth - I'll try to work in more sleep tonight.